SPECIAL NOTE:  It is usually best to have the couple counseled together, if possible.


Ask the counselee “How can I help you today?”


Ask the counselee: “Suppose if God, in his infinite wisdom and ability, came to you tonight and restored your relationship with your spouse, what would your life be like?”


Ask the counselee: “What would God want you to do about your relationship?”

Provide some biblical insight into what God would want them to do:

1 Peter 3:7          Ephesians 4:26          Matthew 19:7-8

Proverbs 6:2-3           Proverbs 17:27          Proverbs 16:7

1 Corinthians 13          1 Corinthians 7:12-16


In putting together a plan of action, the pastor should take into consideration the following:

  1. Help them find a marriage mentor in the church.
  2. Have them pray daily for their spouse.
  3. Work on conflict resolution.
  4. The pastoral counselor should have the couple work on apologizing, forgiveness, and reconciliation.

Resource:  Clinton, Tim and John Trent.  Marriage and Family Counseling. (Grand Rapids:  Baker Books, 2009), 98-106.